Time and time again, the things of this world and the people in it have rejected me, deserted me and despised me.  I dare not blink lest I loose something I had only a whisper ago. Gone again. Like a wife who has just lost the love of her life, her everything; I can not love again. I dare not open my life to another who will relish in it for a while then walk away when the thrill is over. Never again will I allow someone to creep into that place of ‘my everything’.

I turn to God and cry, “Lord, I want you to be my everything! How do I make you my everything?”

Silence.

Pain, affliction; God’s Word, prayer.

Agony, despair; a cry of desperation.

Floods of tears, sedatives and sleep; peace for a moment, only a moment.

I look to the starry night and beg God to teach me, show me, how to make Him my everything, so that everything else fades into nothing. I see the moon and I ask God, “Tell me how the moon makes the sun it’s everything.” I hear a feint whisper in my soul, answering, “It doesn’t make the sun it’s everything, the sun just is it’s everything. That’s how I made it.” “What do you mean,” I think to myself? He answers, “The moon can’t make the sun it’s everything, just like it can’t make the grass it’s everything. I designed the sun to be everything the moon needs. The moon doesn’t get a choice if it is to be what I’ve created it to be.”  

Such a soft whisper continues, “I am your everything. You can’t make me your everything, I just am. Just like the moon fails to shine when it hides behind the world so too you will fail to shine when you step aside from my light and hide behind something in this world. The moon shines at its fullest when it has full reflection from the sun, so too its light diminishes as it begins to hide, until it’s not longer able to be seen.”  

He goes on, “If all the starry hosts of heaven one day fell from above, would the sun cease to be all that the moon needs?” I answer, “No.” Again He asks, “If the most beloved person in your life rejected you and walked away, would I cease to be all that you need?” Again I answer, “No.”  He gently replies, “Then I am your everything.”

A small smirk of joy comes over my face as my beautiful and gentle Father teaches me about us, yet I’m still perplexed. I ask Him, “If You are my everything, why are you not enough at times when I feel rejection from the one human that I love so much?” No response; and I never got one.

I'll let you know when I get one. Until then, keep talking to your Father in Heaven. He is listening. Are You?